Wipe The Slate Clean

Ouch… is there something that you have done that you wish you could have a ‘do over’?  Take the words back? Change the action you took?

It’s amazing how in every moment there is power and potential that something that will happen that can change the course of the rest of your life. It could be an accident that shifts your life in a new direction. Sometimes it’s a choice you make in the moment, that veers you on a new path. It can be as simple as stopping a different coffee shop and then meeting your new best friend. And sometimes it’s a rash action, that seems right at the time that costs you a friendship or damages your reputation.

You may look at those hurtful events now and scream to yourself, “You are so stupid, why did you do that”?  Your mind can of course track the reasons that led you to that action. You might even come up with plenty of ammunition to support your being ‘right’. But if there are lingering consequences to your choice or action,  even if you are ‘right’… are you whole? My teacher Denise Linn said that phrase to me, and it reverberates in my mind. Are you the one carrying this burden and damaging yourself? My Libra self wants everything to be fair and ‘right’. But if I carry that need for everyone and everything to be fair, I’m the one who is hurting.

When my dad was far into dementia, unable to walk, and in the nursing home battling constant infections and being administered many painful injections in a day, it was so hard to watch him suffer. Being shuttled out for various tests and procedures was excruciating for him. I led my family in making a decision to shift him to hospice care, focused on pain relief, and not on constant tests and procedures. When hospice took him off of his insulin (which was not what we thought was going to happen) we were all unprepared for how quickly he declined and died. I know he is in a better place, and that existence was a torture he did not deserve. But.. I carried that burden of this was a decision I made. I was hugely angry at the hospice staff for making a medication decision that was not discussed with us. But mostly… I was angry at myself. I wanted a do-over. But that was not possible.

How can you wipe the slate clean and move forward? While there are no time travel do-overs, by practicing the act of Acceptance, we can do powerful work to heal.

Steps for Acceptance

1. Forgive. This forgiveness can start with you. Forgive yourself for whatever you feel you did that contributed to the situation. Forgive yourself for feeling human. And then extend forgiveness to others involved. Maybe the act they did was heinous. Just keep in your heart the you don’t need to forgive the action, you are forgiving the person. Who knows what led to their action that was a part of this situation? You may never know. But … that person can be forgiven. It does not need to be in person, but most importantly, it needs to be in your heart. For me, I have forgiven the hospice folks as I have to accept that everyone was doing the best they could. I also forgive me, as I also felt I was doing the best I could for Dad, even though it didn’t turn out the way I wanted.
2. Accept. Know that fairness is not a given in this life. We wish it was. But release the expectation that everything must be fair, and accept what new road you are on. It will be three years since Dad passed, and life has gone on. Dad would not want this to be a burden I carry. And, perhaps this was the path for him not have to suffer months and years longer.
3. Change. In your heart, wipe the slate clean. Don’t continue carry this old hurt or decision. Instead, think of how to change your pattern of action or reaction. If this situation happens with a loved one in the future, I will be all the wiser on how the medical system works and doesn’t work. I know different choices will be made. And importantly, I have really focused on how every day is special and precious. Live for today… and not for tomorrow.

Every day is a new day to make different choices.

The road you are on today might be a different one that yesterday. If the road you are on feels like a bad one, going to a destination you do not desire, then change course.

Find the high road again. And wipe the slate clean.

LuAnn Cibik, Interior Alignment® Master Educator, Soul Coaching® Advanced Trainer