Have you ever felt NOT ENOUGH?

Have you ever felt NOT ENOUGH, or like there was something missing or lacking inside of you, and/or your life?

In my younger years, this deep sense of NOT ENOUGHNESS was something that plagued my life, relationships, career, and nervous system. It was like a distinct, though quiet, radio station playing in the background, and controlling everything I said, did and felt.

No matter how much outward success I had, no matter how many proverbial “boxes” I ticked it never quite felt enough, or rather I never really felt much of anything. In choosing to shut down feelings of pain, I had also shut down the joy, bliss, abundance and love, that in truth is our natural birthright. Instead, there was a constant moving of the happiness goal posts. Once I reached one “success” milestone I was already running a million miles ahead, particularly inside of my head, and so there was never a sense of celebration, appreciation, acknowledgement, peacefulness or deep pride from within.

Then as I stepped onto the pathway of becoming a soul coach and venturing deep within my own psyche .. I began to unveil the mystery of why I felt this way.

From my first day of school, a common thread of bullying began in my life. Starting with a girl named Dawn. Who knows why she chose me as her physical, mental, and emotional punching bag? Though on reflection, I am often taken back to the memory of a meeting we had between our mothers, and teacher, discussing this incessant torment. I remember looking at Dawn and feeling a deep sadness as all I could feel in the heart, and see in the eyes of her mum, was cruelty, abuse, and harm. I remember her hitting Dawn, rudely exclaiming that she didn’t think there was anything wrong with the situation and I needed to learn to toughen up. She then dragged Dawn out to the classroom. Even as I write this today, 36 years later, tears well in my eyes with a knowing that Dawn wasn’t born this way. All she was doing to me, was a reflection of what she had been taught, and probably experienced even worst at home.

Though unfortunately my 5-year-old self didn’t have this level of compassion and understanding, and so as the punching, and teasing continued, I started to believe there must have been something wrong with me. As I sat alone, watching Dawn tell everyone in my new school not to play with the girl that spoke funny, I decided to believe it was all my fault and that no one would ever want to be my friend.  Living so far away from my grandparents we use to send them tape recordings and on one of them you can hear this ferocious, fierce though sad little voice in the background proclaim, “Nana I HATE Dawn.”

If I could go back now, which I have many a time within a soul journey, and sit down in the classroom with Dawn and my little K I would let them both know how loved they are. That I am sorry for any abuse Dawn may have been experiencing at home and that if she looked inside of K she would find a loving, fiercely loyal friend for life. I remind them both they were born enough. And to K I would let her know how proud I am on her kindness, her love and that there would come a day where she would powerfully turn this experience into her purpose. She would support other souls to know they are, have always been, and will forever be enough. There would come a time she would stop running in circles trying to seek approval, enoughness or love from those incapable of opening their hearts and loving as big as her. And that she would find her soul tribe and together give themselves permission to live, love and lead in the most ABUNDANTLY kind, liberated, wild and free way that they each knew how.

You see my friends, this is the little magic trick I’ve discovered of igniting abundance into our lives .. we must firstly remind all parts of ourselves, including our inner child, that we are worthy, and deserving, of receiving all of this and more.

We must give thank every day for our existence on this earth, no matter the chaos, challenges, or incessant stresses we face. Abundance comes from gratitude, being present and open to receive the gifts of our now and deeply loving all parts of ourselves. Yes, the shitty, the shame, the regrets, and the deeply unique creative spark magic that exists only inside of you. It’s all the same, it’s all a part of who you have become and has led you to the very point in your life.

So let us stand tall and proud this month for all you are, and that makes you uniquely you and command together ..

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I AM ENOUGH .. and I no longer need to prove this to anyone. I am ready to welcome abundance in all its many shapes, forms and miracles into my life, starting today and everyday ..

May you also live freer and more abundance in your heART this month in the knowing from our pain can come tremendous triumph, celebration and a love greater than this level of our awareness an even imagine.

Big Love, K