Being Compassionate with Yourself – Don’t take things personally

There is a reason that you are on the planet. You have a purpose. We all do. You are not here to obsess and mull over things that people said to you. You are much more majestic than that.

In my own life, I have taken things personally. I have gotten hurt, been upset and felt rejected. But when I remind myself that it’s not about me (and to not take it personally), a wave of peace flows over me.

When someone judges you, almost always it has nothing to do with you. It’s what’s called “projection.” They are projecting their own issues on you. Here’s how it works (with an example from my life):

I had just finished teaching a seminar at the Porchester Hall in London. Afterward there was a line of seminar participants, who were waiting for me to sign their books. The first woman, with her book limply clutched to her chest, shuffled across the stage toward me. She was out of breath, her shoulders were slumped, and her head drooped as she said with a weak smile,

“Oh you poor darling, you look so exhausted! How can you even stand? And no wonder, you were teaching such long hours all day! You must be so very tired.”

I replied, “ Well, oh, . . . thank you.” And I signed her book.

The very next person in line was a young, energetic man who bounded across the stage with his book held high, saying,

“WOW! I’ve never met anyone with more energy than you. You knocked it out of the ballpark! Just look at you! You are radiating such incredible energy after all those hours! I don’t know how you do it!!!”

I replied, “Thank you for sharing that.” And I signed his book

Now, in the two minutes between these two people, I’m fairly sure that I didn’t change, but it was an amazing example of projection. The first woman was exhausted, so when she looked at me that’s what she saw.

The young man was energized and enthusiastic, so that’s what he saw when he looked at me. In truth, I was probably somewhere in between, but what was interesting were the projections. Each person saw me as they experienced themselves.

When someone judges you, please remember that it most likely has very little to do with you and a lot to do with them. The harsher the judgment of you, the more likely they harshly judge themselves in their life.

Your greatest critics are actually projecting their own insecurities, fears and envy onto you. Instead of obsessing over whether you are good enough, don’t take it personally. And then play full-out by doing what you love and hanging out with those you love (and who love you). Dissolve yourself in something that interests you or ignites your excitement. And negative judgments from others will roll off you, like water rolling off a duck’s back.

It’s been said before the purpose of life isn’t to find yourself, but to lose yourself in something that you love. That is the path of compassion…to not take things personally…and as you are compassionate with yourself, you activate self-compassion within others as well.