Treat Yourself as a Special Guest

Every month an oracle card is pulled and the card this month is from my Gateway Oracle Card deck.  The card that is our theme for October is “Cherishing Self.” Here’s what emerged as I focused on this card:

“Denise, I need my lunch for school!”

“I can’t find my socks!”

“When will dinner be ready, Denise?”

My brothers and sister (and dad) always seemed to need something. When I was growing up, my focus was almost always on taking care of others. It had to be.  There didn’t seem to be anyone else but me.

My mother was in a psychiatric hospital for many years, so she wasn’t around. We didn’t have any relatives in the area to help. My father would come home from work, have some beers, and then disappear. So, it was up to me to take care of my brothers and sister. At the time, it didn’t bother me. It was just the way life was.

The challenge was that when I grew up and moved out of the house, I continued to have the pattern of putting everyone else’s needs above my own. (We often carry forward the patterns from childhood.) Friends and acquaintances knew they could always rely on me. Whenever they would  need help, they knew that I would drop whatever I was doing to offer support.

However, after my daughter was born, I just didn’t have the time or energy to take care of everyone. At that point in my life, I lost a lot of friends.  And I mean a lot. People were mad at me. They were used to me dropping whatever I was doing and assisting them at any time of the day. (Of course, this wasn’t a one-way street. I gained a feeling of personal value from helping people.)

After the mass exodus of most of my “friends,” I realized that in my quest to take care of everyone, I had forgotten the most important person to care for… and that was me. (There were some friends that stayed in my life, however, because they were true friends and they were not in my life because of what I could give them.  I will always cherish these beings.)

As I began to think about what I wanted and what would give me joy… instead of what everyone else wanted,  I began to take time for myself, I booked massages and took time to stretch out to read a book.   It was life changing.  By cherishing myself, I had more energy and when I did support someone, I did it out of choice, not as a “have to.”  It felt so good.

 One of the best things that I ever did was begin to treat myself the way that I would treat an honored guest. It made such a difference.  If you are like me and there are times when you tend to put everyone else first, here are a couple of suggestions:

1. Treat yourself as you would a special guest. For example, if you would make your guest a special meal and purchase a special wine, do this for yourself.

2. If someone asks you for a favor, and you really don’t want to do it, know that it’s okay to say no. You can decline with grace and kindness .

Blessings,

Denise