Say What Now? Conversing with Grace

When I was a young teenager I remember going to my grandmother with PROBLEMS.  I had Opinions, and people were mean. She listened. She would hint that maybe it wasn’t as bad as I had made it sound. She is the model that I keep in my head when I am trying to meet the marker for “grace” in any situation. 

When I was a teenager, what I really wanted was to vent, to be heard, and sometimes that was enough, sometimes I had to hear myself say things to figure out how I felt about them. My grandmother was there to give me a hug, which might have been what I really needed in the first place.

This month’s card invites you to deal with situations with grace. This can be a really a challenging practice. When everyone is shouting the temptation to join the chorus is huge. You may feel that you are filled up with grumpy emotions- and ask yourself why you should be the adult in the room. However maybe you can help diffuse some of the high energy-in yourself and others- by acting with grace.  

Marcus Aurelius, is an ancient stoic philosopher whose words still set out a path of examples for people who read his Meditations. He wrote about the challenges of coping with life, and people- the situations were much the same, even if the technology was very different. From Meditations, I have found a short checklist that leads to me dealing with situations with grace. These include:

• • • Leading by example,
    • Be humble and curious,
    • Control your emotions,
    • Show respect and care for others, and to
    • Enjoy the simple things.

If you want to challenge yourself to deal with events in this way, I would encourage you to use this toolkit. I will write each statement on the side of a finger of my non dominant hand. So when I look down I can see the path laid out plainly and follow it through an interaction. Pay attention to your breath as well when you are calling on this practice of dealing with a situation with grace. The rate and depth of your breathing will let you know how affected you are by a conversation or interaction and if you catch your breathing speeding up or becoming shallow, try and slow it down. 

If you find that you need to be listened to and validated, you can ask a friend to be this for you, or you can try this exercise:

• • • Write down what you need to say on a piece of paper.
    • Take that paper to a tree if you can, or to your favorite  plant if you have one.
    • Read what you need to say to the tree, or plant.
    • Safely burn the paper on a ceramic plate or ashtray (You can still find these in thrift stores!)
    • Then mix the ashes into the soil – fire transmutes and your feelings will be transmuted to nutrients to nurture your friend the plant.
    • Thank your plant pal for hearing you out.
    • Take a moment to breathe the free breath of the unburdened.

This gift you can give, or receive. And perhaps you will feel grace.